Nik Was Here

"What's that? I can't hear you when I'm making my stupid-asshole face."

I know it’s been awhile since the season 2 finale aired (a month maybe?), but I was just reminded of it by an fb post earlier this morning, and I started recalling the mixed emotions I had after viewing it. Throw in significant amounts of caffiene, and here I am. While I like the TV series, I don’t love it the way I do the comic series (which I’ve been picking up monthly since reading the initial trade when it first came out).

Most of the finale brought out my fanboy foam-face, and was by my best recollection, amazing. However, one element continues to piss me off. I guess it’s not so much an element as a character. STUPID. ASSHOLE. LORI.

While the good greatly outweighed the bad: Rick finally killing Shane, the zombie attack on the farm, the first appearance of Michonne, Darryl (my new favorite character) being a badass as always, the revelation of what the Scientist whispered to Rick at the CDC in the first season, a nice twist on the disease itself, and a quick glimpse at the prison. All amazing, yummy, viewing goodness… except for: Stupid. Asshole. Lori.

Let’s quickly run through why Lori is a shit head:

Her biggest duty earlier in the episode is to bring Carl into the house and to stay indoors, because there seems to be a PSYCHO loose somewhere in the forest. What happens? She loses fucking Carl in a home that’s maybe 3,000 square feet, and the little goober goes looking for Rick. Where? In the fucking forest. Where the PSYCHO is probably hiding out.

Carl catches up to Rick seconds after Rick murders the shit out of the human contradiction machine, Shane. All hell breaks loose moments later, forcing Rick and NOW Carl to run and survive a crazed zombie herd. In the confusion, stupid asshole Lori (SAL) runs around like a meth-head in a walmart, looking for her son… who she managed to lose in a four bedroom farm house during a zombie apocalypse.

Later, when the gang regroups, Rick informs Lori that he had to kill Shane. He also explains it was self-defense and that it was him or Shane. SAL goes full retard, and flips out on him. Slapping and cursing him, while crying like a pregnant girl during prom. OK, SAL, what would you have him do you shit head, you? Give his life for your psycho lover? Oh, and let us not forget the fact that you couldn’t keep an eye on Carl for a couple of hours and your failure as a mother almost led to him being EATEN ALIVE.

Also, what about a few episodes back when you went all Lady Macbeth, and clung on Rick’s shoulders whispering murderous little nothings in his ear, hmm? Lastly, let us not forget other episodes where you put lives at risk, by chasing after Rick and other members of the gang as if you were a Navy Seal, and actually capable of bringing them back from danger. Instead, you crash your car (because sucking at driving is in the 5,000 page book of stuff you suck at… it’s title is LIFE), and you need to be rescued by the guy you were banging a WEEK after you thought Rick was dead! Plus, you’re pregnant with the guy’s kid, and you wanted him dead just a few episodes back. JEEZUS! You are an awful person.

I hate you.